i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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