yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
