never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
