you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
