am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
