She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
