my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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