but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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