how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
