my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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