turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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