using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
