Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
