I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
