Soap is not a condiment
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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