I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
