i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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