Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
