Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
