I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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