guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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