we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
