had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
