we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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