my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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