I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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