I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
