Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As shirtless as possible
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
