i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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