is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
