Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
