Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
