I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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