I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
