You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
