what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
