You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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