in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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