SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
