He asked to "fluff my boner.."
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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