If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
