i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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