Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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