I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
