I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
