I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
