I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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