I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
