I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
