Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
