when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Boobs are out for the taking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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