I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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