is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
